Carnal knowledge: The sex ed debate

Just something I found that was... interesting. I'm into full disclosure for everyone, as much as they want to know (and let them make the decision to ask for more)... but, as usual, the "no-disclosure" crowd is coming out in force, as well.

(For those who don't know: In the computing world there's something of the same complaint, related to computer security. Do vendors of computer equipment and software need to make patches available before details of a security vulnerability become known? Or should details be spread about as far and wide as possible before the vendors fix it, to give the vendors a massive incentive to fix the vulnerabilities instead of allowing them to languish?)

I'm trying to comprehend some of the shit that's going on. Corey seems to think that I have nothing else to do besides talk with him and make mental and emotional progress by talking with him... "you'll never make any progress if you keep running away" is something he mailed me today. *shrugs* Too bad he can't practice what he preaches.

If I had the energy, I'd rant about this concept a bit. You know, how "what you believe is not always what is true", and "always try to see where the other person is coming from, because the things they say may not make sense outside of the context in which they're speaking them in". But I don't have the energy. I'm too tired. I'm closer to 'exhausted', actually...

My Master didn't get around to talking with me last night -- Chaz coming over and visiting, and then the Wednesday night gathering at The Hyperspace Express, precluded that. But he's going to have to stay up for a conference call somewhere around midnight tonight, and between the time he gets home and the time he gets onto that call, we can talk. It's probably going to be a weird time for me, over the next while -- I have to determine what I -really- want, and the best way for me to try to get it, and (most importantly) if what my Master offers and demands are worth each other. (I tend to think that they are... but I don't know right now.)

Incidentally, my Master just seems to have received a package from Germany. (Which is one of the weird things about our existences... he was just mentioning to me, Tuesday night, what it would be when it finally showed up. The same way that I mentioned fuel cell technology to him a while ago, and all of a sudden some of his coworkers completely spontaneously mentioned it to him the next day. "Speak of the devil...")

So one thing that's heavily weighing on my mind is the idea of reading my Master's slave contract for the first time... outlining the concept of what He expects from His slave, and what His slave can expect from Him. It was odd, in a very strange way, when we spoke this morning. Him mentioning how he'd always had to be given tools to take a slave, and how he didn't need to be given any tools to take me. How he could see a slave sitting inside me, but not getting anything new to learn how to use -- good gods, he saw me and he took me and he protected me and he spanked me and he put me completely at ease and he got me to completely trust him and I've -never- had anyone do that to that extent (neither so quickly, nor so completely).

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know what I'll choose to do.

-Winged

God. Oddity. If there's one word that can sum up my life, it'd be 'oddity'. I'm not feeling all that wonderful today, but I am sitting at a keyboard with a few extra hours, so I'm going to say what's on my mind.

I'm jobless at this point, my former place of work having done everything it could do to find something bad with me to fire me. OK, I can deal with that. I have enough coming back from the IRS to be able to deal with the next couple of months, while I search for a job in this downturned economy. Easy enough to deal with.

My sex life is... confusing, to say the least. I have a Master, now... and that was the weirdest thing in the world for me to figure out, that there really is someone in the world who can get me to honestly submit to him. He wants a few things from me that I'm not anywhere -near- ready to give up, but looking at it realistically (we had a long talk last night, and we'll probably have a longer talk tonight) we've got a few years before things need to be fully fleshed out... if we choose to go any farther in our relationship than we go now. (That's really is a big "if"... I'm comfortable here, and I enjoy what we do, and I enjoy how we do it. I don't know what else I want.)

And then there's my ex-bf, who I still fuck on occasion... there's a few of my other friends, who I can be sexual with but usually am not... and then there's my set of internal turn-ons, the full extent of which I've not figured out yet.

My celphone got stolen by my former place of work. *sighs softly* Idiots. Unlawful detainer is NOT something that you want to deal with. I had to disconnect the service to it and order a new phone, entirely -- they've cost me >$100 by that action. (Even if I do get it back from them, eventually, they're responsible for causing me to order the replacement.)

It's amazing what the subconscious can come up with. (Especially when half-awake...) The other morning, my Master was holding me, and playing with His toy (which happens to be my body), and for the-Gods-only-know what reason I wanted to say "my God, my Master..." And then my subconscious thought, "Gee, how redundant can you get?" My Master has taken on a deeply-significant place in my life, and it's a place that I'm only now realizing that I've needed to be filled (no matter how self-sufficient one is, one still has a need to have an overarching sense of authority in one's life) for a long, long time.

My life works better with an authority figure. I don't know why, but I'm starting to accept it.

But now I'm updating my resume, for the three possible career paths that I can try to go after at this point. And we'll see what we can do.

-Mat