I'm trying to comprehend some of the shit that's going on. Corey seems to think that I have nothing else to do besides talk with him and make mental and emotional progress by talking with him... "you'll never make any progress if you keep running away" is something he mailed me today. *shrugs* Too bad he can't practice what he preaches.

If I had the energy, I'd rant about this concept a bit. You know, how "what you believe is not always what is true", and "always try to see where the other person is coming from, because the things they say may not make sense outside of the context in which they're speaking them in". But I don't have the energy. I'm too tired. I'm closer to 'exhausted', actually...

My Master didn't get around to talking with me last night -- Chaz coming over and visiting, and then the Wednesday night gathering at The Hyperspace Express, precluded that. But he's going to have to stay up for a conference call somewhere around midnight tonight, and between the time he gets home and the time he gets onto that call, we can talk. It's probably going to be a weird time for me, over the next while -- I have to determine what I -really- want, and the best way for me to try to get it, and (most importantly) if what my Master offers and demands are worth each other. (I tend to think that they are... but I don't know right now.)

Incidentally, my Master just seems to have received a package from Germany. (Which is one of the weird things about our existences... he was just mentioning to me, Tuesday night, what it would be when it finally showed up. The same way that I mentioned fuel cell technology to him a while ago, and all of a sudden some of his coworkers completely spontaneously mentioned it to him the next day. "Speak of the devil...")

So one thing that's heavily weighing on my mind is the idea of reading my Master's slave contract for the first time... outlining the concept of what He expects from His slave, and what His slave can expect from Him. It was odd, in a very strange way, when we spoke this morning. Him mentioning how he'd always had to be given tools to take a slave, and how he didn't need to be given any tools to take me. How he could see a slave sitting inside me, but not getting anything new to learn how to use -- good gods, he saw me and he took me and he protected me and he spanked me and he put me completely at ease and he got me to completely trust him and I've -never- had anyone do that to that extent (neither so quickly, nor so completely).

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know what I'll choose to do.

-Winged